this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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