So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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