just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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