there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
