I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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