you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
