Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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