god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
