big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
