I will die if light touches me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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