just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I AM VODKA MAN
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
