I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
