I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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