rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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