mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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