he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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