There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
