Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
