There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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