In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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