dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
