Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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