i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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