If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
