never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
