do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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