Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
