I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
