I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
