I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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