eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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