Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
