I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
