The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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