Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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