dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
