I don't usually arrange sex via text message
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
