Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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