this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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