Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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