that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
