Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
