I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
