I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
