He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
