i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I party with great urgency now.
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