I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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