I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All the doctor said was why
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
