This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
