So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
