Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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