It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
