He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
