i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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