I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
