dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
