her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
