You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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