so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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